Admittedly, I’m still warming up…after all, it has been quite a while since I’ve gotten into the habit of writing regularly. Also, to be fair, it’s been a while since I’ve been doing anything with any regularity.
Some people are creatures of habit. Their daily routine follows a strict timeline…all parts of which need to be steady and on time in order to give comfort and balance. I do envy those who find comfort in sticking to a routine….mostly because it must be easy enough to achieve that happiness. All you have to do is be disciplined and follow your own guidelines…guidelines which are the very thing that gives you your comfort. Basically, all you need to do to feel well and happy is to do what makes you feel well and happy.
I am far too inconsistent for that sort of enterprise. Not that I’m any sort of adventurer by any stretch….but I lack the discipline to do the things that would make me feel better about my surroundings and my life in general. I would feel much more in control of my life, for instance, if I could manage to get to sleep at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. I really can’t though. I find myself exhausted at 9pm but for some reason stay up past 1 most nights…and struggle through my day in a haze, only really waking up fully around noon or so.
My routine, though, is made better by the company I keep. I have no problem being disciplined at work (most of the time)…and manage to finish the tasks I have set for myself by the end of the work day. I feel that this has a lot to do with the people I work with…and the workflow in general. I don’t usually have a problem with motivation there…whereas if I’m at home alone I can’t even tell you what time it is if you asked me at random.
When I’m staying with my boyfriend, who is incredibly disciplined, I find myself folding the towel precisely after my shower…and putting everything back in its rightful place just to keep the general order of things. Compared to him, I’m still very cluttery and disheveled and lacking order….but I am much improved by just his presence.
I only wish I could harness the motivation I have when I’m around him….to set my surroundings right when I’m at home. To fold my laundry instead of piling it in a basket for the whole week…and make my bed (which I’m horrible at doing)…and make myself meals when I’m hungry instead of grabbing the closest thing. I feel like I’m getting better…right up until I go back home…and then the clock seems to reset itself.
It’s really about time I do gain a sense of order, though. I’m 42 years old, not 21. I have the ability to be organized and disciplined. I do have some sense of willpower and responsibility.
I just need to learn to channel it better, I suppose.
And with that disorganized jumble of words, I conclude my second November entry. Heh.
Christ….it can’t even be called a baby step. Sigh.
I~Me~Mine 